God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
