uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
