I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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