is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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