'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
