Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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