I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
