i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
