i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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