Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
