If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
