Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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