Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
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