I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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