Buhtt sex?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
