How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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