i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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