Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
