I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
