You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
