Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
