Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
