My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
