trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
