I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
being pregnant is like rehab
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
