After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
