This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
