True but thats because hes a fetus.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
