Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
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she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
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At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
there is glitter all over my balls
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize