If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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