I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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