my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
