Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
