I think I am morally bankrupt
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
