Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
