Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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