Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
