bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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