They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
