btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
