Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
