apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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