farters have to be the big spoon...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My life is pants optional.
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