I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
