he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
