Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.