I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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