The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Can you bring me the toilet please
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.