one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
