my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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