Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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