you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
