Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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