What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
