Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
