is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
