my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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