When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
