I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
