wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
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