I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
