i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
