how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
