Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
