Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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