just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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