A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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