you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
