u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
