I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
