I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
