It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
