Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
